Dismantling it, Brick by Brick, then Rebuilding

Listening to: Check Your Head - Buckcherry
Mood: Contemplative


So....Internets. Hello again. Today's topic won't be super light, but true to form, I'll try to keep you entertained in my efforts to deal with sucky things with humor. 

There's not really a lead in for this, so here it is: Daddy G and I have separated. 

*Crickets*

Well that certainly got uncomfortable fast, but trust me, there's no need. In fact internets, this is the first time I've said it out loud and in (semi)public. 

I'm not going to go into why or all the painfully uncomfortable details - I'll spare you this time. I will say this. It's been a long, difficult, and painful road that has led me here. I feel like I am starting to finally get my shit together a bit and move on, which has been agonizing and amazing on the same coin.

I'm still in India. I plan to stay - I truly love it here. He has rented his own place and is in the process of moving out as he bounces between here and the US. I still work as an HR manager in his company. This is not that uncomfortable and I truly love my job. We shall see how long that lasts.

As I mentioned, I'm doing alright now. I'm working on stabilizing myself, saving some money, being a single parent, and developing my own plans and goals. 

My kids are ok for the time being. They've had time to adjust and Daddy G and I have been cordial and cooperative for their sake. 

His parents and the family that knows have been supportive and kind to me so far, I can't complain. 

I think I'll leave this here for now. Just an update on the direction life has taken me.

Becky

Updates From the Crazy Desk

Good Morning, Afternoon, Whatever the hell time it is for you!

It's me again. Surprise!

There's been a lot going on the past few years, some of which led me to wander away from writing, or rather blogging in particular. I'm trying to get back into the saddle with partial success. 

One of the big news items I have to share with you is that I wrote a novel! Now, I can't find anyone interested in publishing it damn it, but I fucking wrote it and edited until my eyeballs fell out. And I'm proud of it. The writing, not the editing - because seriously, fuck 1 bazillion rounds of editing. I'm working on novel 2 right now. So technically this is also writing, just a very different variety. I miss blogging and this short concise (ok maybe) style.

Aside from writing, I started teaching piano again. More on this in a little bit. It's been both amazing and excruciating at the same time. Awesome because teaching and music fulfill me. Difficult because I was hoping to actually be able to make a living off of it, which definitely isn't happening at the moment. I'll take this though for now.

Daddy G "hired" me and I now do HR, Admin, Finance, and general everything he doesn't have time for or doesn't want to. It's a very difficult situation (more on this later too), but it's also been amazing in that I get to craft exactly the position I want and have some autonomy. 

I've made the decision to stay in India for the forseeable future. Now, yes, somthing may come up, but my plan is to stay here. I love it here, I'm comfortable, and best thing, it's affordable from a non-planning, non-saving point of view. Of course I'm trying to do both, but I'm starting from scratch at 38. Can you believe that? I'm fucking 38 already.

My kids are happy and healthy, and I was able to go home this year, which was amazing. 

I'm still struggling to get back into fighting shape and stay healthy.

The rest of my life is a complete mess of fuckery nonsense right now. I've made a lot of progress from last year and definitely the year before that, but ooooohhhhhh internets I have redefined hot mess. 

Daddy G and I are in the middle of a separation. Or rather we're supposed to be. There are so many problems with this I barely know where to start. In fact, I won't because I'm fucking tired of talking and thinking about it. But hey, now you know. So the complications have spread out far and wide, and I'm doing my best to get everything in order and move on from here. I'm not sure if I'll have a job or if things will get ugly. 

I'm also pretty sure I have PCOS. For those that don't know, it's when your body and your hormones scream FUCK YOU and go nuts. Like circus peanuts in a hydrogen bomb. Don't ask, I have no idea what that means either.  I've been doing extensive reading (yes....I'm one of THOSE people too), experimenting with vitamins/supplements, exercising, and trying to avoid drinking whenever I can. Now self love, discipline, and self care has never been a strong point of mine. I go through periods when I'm amazing and others when even I wonder how I'm still alive because I'm acting so retarded. Welcome to hard knocks in life - sometimes you fail. Just get up and try again. Every. Day. Blurgh.

Fortunately I'm still an optimist. I may have given up perfect, but I still try and I'm sure that life will even out eventually. 

So yeah. Super duper depressing post overall. Hopefully back with something more cheerful next time!