W is for What the Hell

Listening to: Do it for the Kids - Velvet Revolver

Mood: Pissed.

Doing my usual thing and trolling through the news for things that caught my eye, I came across this:

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/child-bride-marriage-annulled-laxmi-sargara-hero-day-180800827.html

India seriously, what the hell is this nonsense? It breaks my heart on a regular basis that a country that has made huge strides in modernity is still stuck in some very ingrained ancient behaviors.  I don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea, this isn’t common in India. There are a few areas with groups of people who are neither rich nor educated where this occurs. Still – one child married at the age of 1 is too many.

Unfortunately, India doesn’t always have the best track record when it comes to protecting women and children – especially those who don’t have much. The country also isn’t all that great at standing up for an individual who needs support. As in the story – this girl had to go against her own family in seeking a divorce.

India has a culture of trusting parents to find a spouse for the children and the children are raised to trust their parents’ decision regarding spouse. How much courage it must have taken for this girl who doesn’t have much to stand up and take control of her own destiny. Hats off to you my dear; I hope that you are an inspiration to other girls in the same situation.

This is a prime example of the need of education for people still stuck in the last century. I’m sure these people are not doing this to be malicious to the girl (although that is another problem all together) but rather out of tradition and a misguided idea of what are good for her and their family. I’ve said it before: Progress is vital.

It is also an example of how much one voice can help. It is so easy to turn your head and let things go if they don’t apply to you. If you feel like balking, think about how much courage it must have taken this girl to go against her entire family and community for what she knew was right.  Man up – this should never be excused or ignored.

Becky

Divorce as a Spectator Sport

Mood: Calm

Listening to: Living on a Prayer – Bon Jovi

The mayor of the town that I live in is getting a divorce. Not only that, he is being arraigned on 9, count them 9, different counts of domestic violence against his wife.  I’ve been watching this story since it broke in February on the local news. Now I really like local news. I get some info on the community and what’s going on in local politics. But this nonsense makes me feel like I’m watching People Magazine on t.v. Not only is there way too much serious reporting of every single detail, you can almost see the reporters salivating over getting new details and what’s going to happen next. Is positively an ancient Romans at the coliseum cheering for bloodshed feel. Seriously. Stalking around outside the courthouse because the husband’s attorney is cross examining the wife today is kind of silly. That’s what they do in court hearings. I do think there should be coverage of this type of thing in elected officials. I don’t really support a wife beater in office (if he actually is one, they both accuse each other of abuse).  I just don’t think they should go over the facts weekly and turn them into a grand circus drama. They have 2 kids and their lives are falling apart. Give them some privacy ya vultures! Coming from a divorced, yet decidedly un-famous family, I cannot imagine all of our drama unfolding with a camera showing everyone our worst moments and watching them get a hard on over the prospect of  how much more there would be and how much further we could have sunk. It’s just so seedy. Divorces like this are messy business. Families and lives fall apart. Do we really need to give anyone a platform to act like an absolute asshole to their spouse on tv and give their kids more things to hate them for later on? Do we really need to shake our heads in condescension and congratulate ourselves that we’d never do something like that? I get irritated with the tabloids over this stuff too. But this is a news network. Their lives are dissolving into chaos, get out of their faces and give them some privacy to work through what’s going on.  

Becky

Voluntary Sterilization

Mood: Bleh

Listening to: MTV music videos

I was watching BBC today and heard a story about a charity group in England that is offering drug addicts/chronic drunks about $300 dollars to undergo voluntary sterilization. Eh, what? I had to sit a while and consider what exactly it was that I thought about this.  The conclusion that I agree with was that I agree with some of what they are doing, but I still have too many problems with the process to be for it.

On one side of the coin, babies need loving stable homes, which are very unlikely to be provided by self admitted chronic drug and/or alcohol abusers. Taking away the ability to have a baby will definitely eliminate the chance of an accident – after all, drugs and alcohol abuse aren’t conducive to being responsible with anything, including sexuality. Babies of chronic drug and alcohol users are also more likely to be born with lifelong problems – see crack babies and fetal alcohol syndrome. Addicts are also not being forced – this is a voluntary process and there is compensation involved.

Let’s dig apart the negatives of the issue one at a time.

1. Sexuality and the ability to procreate have a defined impact on a person’s psych and sense of identity. Is this really a good change to be offering someone whose mind is altered by chemical substances? Would we offer this choice to mentally or physically handicapped persons? We tried that in an involuntary process years ago and decided that it was just wrong. In a similar vein, how can we propagandize this idea to people who may not grasp the long term consequences of such a heavy decision?
2.  The latest buzz in alcohol and drug addiction is, contrary to popular belief, that it is a disease. There have been, and hopefully will continue to be, many people who successfully recover.  The person in the throes of this disease may not see a recovery for him or herself at that moment that may come at a later date. What happens when they successfully recover and realize that they have made a huge mistake? With a clear mind, children may seem much more important. There are plenty of addicts that have had their children taken away by DCFS or a similar organization only to get their life back together so that they can care for their children.
3.  Is someone’s fertility only worth $300?  I understand that the organization may not have unlimited funds, but to a person desperate for more of the problem substance, the short term benefit may overshadow any actual thought about the long term consequences. It seems to me to be a very, very small amount to make up for the loss of any chance at having children one day – even if the person thinks they don’t want any. This too may be subject to time and a change in the addiction. 
4. I think the thing that offends me most about this idea is that it takes a mercenary, one type fits all, solution to a very difficult situation. I’m not a big fan of an organization touting a quick, cheap solution that solves a problem, but doesn’t take into consideration the needs of the individuals. A big part of this that I don’t agree with is that it is a PERMANENT solution. We have so many birth control options, including IUD’s that only have to be changed every 5 years. Wouldn’t the money being thrown at this situation be better used to council women and men at risk to use a form of birth control that doesn’t need a prescription or constant monitoring? We already have Planned Parenthood doing along the same lines. Planned Parenthood also provides abortion counseling and services should an accident occur. I’m not a big fan of abortion, but I feel there are situation when it would be the best answer in a bad situation. Sterilization is just too broad and heavy a club to wield for this situation.

Becky

The Exterminator and His Dog

I’m not even going to apologize about disappearing down the rabbit hole for months at a time again. That’s just life for me right now. Between the “part time” job that really isn’t all that part time, keeping up with my ridiculously energetic munchkins, sleep deprivation from hubby’s newly found interest in learning to play the guitar until 3 am, and keeping up with the demands of the family on the apartment (i.e. picking up, cleaning, dishes, laundry, ect), my creative juices have pretty much been put on the back burner. Ok, so maybe three rows back. Excuses, excuses.

A couple of days ago, I got a notice underneath my door. This may sound unusual, but remember that in New York, that’s one of the primary ways of communication between renters and their tenants. So the note was about a visit from the exterminator tomorrow. Involving a dog. Ehm, what? Like most New York buildings, we have the usual problems with roaches and mice. What I’m wondering, is what in the world is the dog for?? I’ve heard of rat dogs, do we have rats?? Do we have some dogs that are really talented at searching out roaches and maybe we’ll finally be rid of them? You’re right, that might be a bit too much to hope for.

They nicely asked that we don’t leave any food around the house open. I’m rather curious about that too. Do they not want the dog eating things off people’s floors? Or would they become distracted from finding whatever prey it was looking for? I guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

Becky