M is for Music

Mood: Calm – for now

Listening to: Completely ineffective ceiling fans – it’s hot!

I am a music junkie. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before. While my love of a certain 80’s rock band is more than well known, this goes way beyond that.

Growing up, I lived in a house that was always full of music. My mother played the piano, my father played the guitar, and they both sang. My extended family is really into music also. I took piano lessons for almost 12 years while I was growing up. My brother majored in music in college and can play more musical instruments than I know names for. So yeah, lots o music in our house. I grew up enjoying music on a superficial level. My dad was really, really into the Beatles so I listened to a lot of that. Worth noting – the musical selection in our house was almost exclusively restricted to 50’s and 60’s music and Christian music. I definitely did not grow up with tons of variety. I understand why my parents did this – it was to shelter my brother and me a bit.

As I grew older and developed my own mind, I started stretching my boundaries in regards to music. To this day, I still find music that I cannot believe I didn’t know about all this time.  I have a better appreciation for both playing the piano and understanding music because of my background.

Certain people are susceptible to music. I am one of them. It’s like a cancer (without the negative connotation) that moves into your soul and changes you.  It touches you on a fundamental level that you will never be able to get away from. Once it’s happened, you want it to happen again. Music for people like me has a way of sneaking in and getting a hold of your emotions. Due to my rhino skin abilities, music gives me a very solid outlet for my emotions. Music has the ability to grab me by the ear and cheer me up, depress me, or generally give me something to cling on to when life starts getting rough. This is the reason I’m so ridiculously attached to Guns n Roses. This were hard when I started getting into the music. Life quickly took a rapid downward spiral and I do believe that the music is what kept me sane in such a dark time.

I crave music like some people crave religion. I really can’t explain it too well, I just need it. I need the soaring powerful feeling I get when I’m singing, the dark contemplation, the mindless noise and energy, the quiet soul and the occasional cheerful simplicity that music can bring. Singing and playing the piano are like going to church for me. I go and visit a forgotten place inside of me and take care of myself, even if it’s very briefly. Sometimes it’s hard, sometimes it’s painful, sometimes it is pure joy, but I always feel better afterwards.

Life is hard and occasionally very complicated. Music reflects that. Some get into art, some get into religion, some drinking. They are all complex and occasionally difficult. 

Right now, I’m really into Velvet Revolver (really, I’m going to chuck something at anyone that is surprised by this) and Buckcherry.  What can I say? I’m a sucker for men who have haunting voices who sing about deep stuff.

Becky

From the Archives: Look Ma, I'm a Televangelist!

(2007, probably)

Listening to: Boston – More than a Feeling

Mood: Incredulous

I was reading Time Magazine last night and came across an article that just blew my mind. Now I’ve always had quite a bit of healthy skepticism about television preachers. Since I became an atheist later in my life, my skepticism has extended to preachers in general – but that’s a whole different blog. This article was focusing on a network of televangelists and a Senator who was investigating their use of money. All of these individuals are part of a nonprofit organization and thus should sink almost all of the money received in donations back into the ministry, or at least social services for the community.  A major benefit of being a nonprofit is some major tax savings.  The senator did not launch a major investigation into this, he simply sent them a questionnaire and a request for some information.  Wait, what? Because we can’t really be sure the donations were abused?  Let’s play the PC game? All the featured preachers were uber rich to begin with? All right. Let’s stop the lemming and sheeple parade. Almost all of the featured televangelists had either private planes or multiple very, very expensive cars and lived in what can only be described as mansions. One of the women featured had a 23,000 dollar toilet in her office.  Um, hello? Reality calling? Last time I checked, a toilet costs no more than $100 at Menards or Lowes. And, uh, it isn’t obvious that this money had to come from somewhere, and it probably wasn’t from a trust fund? It’s ok. I’m sure they’ll answer the questionnaires in a totally honest, open manner. After all, they’re God’s folk. Sorry for all the overt sarcasm, but this really bothers me for a few reasons. Let me elaborate.

1.         Preachers are supposed to, but virtue of their calling and the nature of religion, to be servants of the people/their congregation. Somehow, because of the 18 years of religious teaching (or brainwashing – take your pick) it just seems extremely unsavory to me to think that the “servants of the lord” are looking to serve themselves. How can people possibly follow a leader who has such flagrant disrespect for the use of donated money? Churches do a lot of good in the world. They help the poor. There are so many good uses in the world for money. How can a preacher possibly justify a private plane to his or her congregation? I’m not saying you should live in poverty, but for cryin out loud, have some shame.

2.       The people who are funding this idiocy and greed are those who really have hope that their money will be used to further the cause of the church. They don’t have much to send and they truly have faith that their money will make a difference. Otherwise they wouldn’t send it, right? This really sticks under my nails. It’s like a double whammy. These aren’t rich people to which a $50 or $100 dollar donation counts as pennies in an ocean, these are honest, hard working folks who most likely don’t have much to begin with. How can you possibly sleep at night in your mansion knowing this? The sheer guilt would drive me insane – and trust me – I don’t feel guilty about much, but this would do it.

3.       Senator, I admire you for bringing this issue into the light – I really do. Even as an atheist, I care about the human condition and people abusing others in the name of greed. Even if it’s in the name of religion. I’m glad I read this article so that I can spread the word. However. A questionnaire? You have got to be kidding me. Where are your balls at Senator? Asking some benign questions is not going to solve this problem.  Asking preliminary questions leads to offshore accounts popping up all over the place. People may be broken hearted that their money was abused, but if you go after the abusers, perhaps a little bit of faith can be restored. Who cares if you piss off the religious right?  It’s so much more important to do the right thing and stop these people from using power to abuse others.

People, it’s important to know where your money is going. If you choose to donate to any organization (and I highly encourage supporting your legitimate church/charity of your choice), make doubly sure you know who is receiving that money and how it is being used. I’m pretty sure that none of the people who donated to these corrupt televangelists meant to finance their mansions, vacations, or Mercedes. There are plenty of organizations that exist to better the human condition worldwide. It’s very much worth investigating first. Faith is well and good as long as it’s backed up by facts.  Donations aren’t like taxes. You really, honestly, freely give to someone else. You have not only the say in where that money goes, but the responsibility to investigate the receiver as well.

Good night, and good luck.

Becky

A Doubting Theresa

Listening to: Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous – Good Charlotte
Mood: Cranky

Time magazine recently featured a story about Mother Theresa, some letters she had written, and about doubting her faith. I was both amazed and a little saddened about what I read. I was born a bit young to fully comprehend and appreciate all that Mother Theresa did before she died, but I held her in high esteem as a person who had truly made a difference in the world and had compassion for others.

I’m an atheist. I don’t believe in God, or divinity in the personified form that religion has shaped it to be. I don’t believe in heaven or hell. When you die, that’s it, game over. I believe in spirituality to some degree, but more as a mental function than anything outward. I’m pretty comfortable with my feelings on the subject. I’m not doubtful about it nor am I apologetic about it. I wasn’t raised this way though. I was raised in a Dutch reformed church and in a very conservative family. I was a pretty serious Christian until I was about 17. It has been a long road for me to become comfortable with what I believe in as an adult. I know the tremendous guilt and uncertainty that comes with going against what you were raised as and believed in for so long. I cannot fathom the spiritual agony that Mother Theresa must have felt when she could not banish her doubt after devoting her whole life to God. It must have been such a huge burden every day to wake up and want to believe whole heartedly and not be able to.

It took years after Mother Theresa’s death for these letters to surface. She didn’t want the letters published, out of what I am going to guess is shame. She was made out to be a saint almost before she died. Her work was heavily tied to God, Christianity, and the catholic church. How could she admit doubt in the face of all of the expectations placed on her? The shame she felt must have been huge. It must have been difficult to go through the day with such a crippling secret and feeling of hypocrisy. I’m not trying to be sarcastic or snide here – I really feel for her.

Mother Theresa, I hope you died at peace. God never commanded people not to doubt, and I do believe doubt is the product of a healthy, productive mind. If indeed your God is real and judged you after you died, I’m sure he forgave your doubts. You made such a positive impact on the world. You not only helped those in need, you inspired the rest of us to sacrifice for the good of humanity. Had you been someone else, you may not have made the difference that you did. We remember you with respect and love, doubt or not.

Becky