Happy Bleedin Father's Day.

Listening to: My Daughter Working on Learning Hindi

Mood: Craving alone time

So I didn’t post anything for Father’s day. For some reason, I mentally rebel at jumping on the train about posting about anything everyone else is posting. School is out? Halloween is coming? I don’t care. If I have something to say, I’ll say it. In lieu of this, I decided to think a while on whether or not I had anything to say.

I definitely don’t have a whole lot to say about Father’s day. Well, at least not a lot of warm, fuzzy feel good things to say that everyone else seems to be chock full of. As I’ve mentioned before, my relationship with my dad is complicated bordering on non-existent. So…Father’s day doesn’t have a lot of meaning for me in that regard. It makes me vaguely sad every year, but that feeling gets shelved along with the other incidents that make me think about my dad pretty quickly.

I’ve heard that the opposite of love is apathy. I think I agree with that statement.  I find anger useless and destructive and sadness a complete waste of time. Neither will change the situation.  The thing that makes me the most sad about this situation is that there really isn’t much I can or will do to change it. Our relationship is what it is (or isn’t) and I’m willing to take responsibility for my part in this whole shit storm, even if I consider this to be the best, albeit a crappy, way for things to be for me. But the vague sadness will continue, because most likely things won’t change.

On the other hand, my kids have an amazing dad. I am forever grateful for the way he cares for them and is committed to seeing them grow up.  However, because of my sensitivities, I’m pretty much thankful for this on a daily basis. It’s one side of a coin that holds both hopes that they’ll have better experiences than I had with my dad and fear that one day he’ll leave them and they’ll turn out just as messed up as I am.

So that’s my reaction to Father’s day. I’m not sure this dithering wandering pout fest has a point. My apologies for that. This is why I don’t talk about my dad much and why I probably won’t be pondering Father’s day again. More than anyone else, I’m pretty tired of this issue. I’m tired of thinking about it, talking about it, and generally blathering on. Moving along.

Becky

And Now for Some Random Thoughts

Mood: Calm

Listening to: Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons. Just because the kids are outside. We can't have that many emphatic (or otherwise) F words thrown around when they are at home, even if it an excellent song. 

I was looking through the key words that people search for when they find my blog. One of them was Getting Rid of Daddy Issues. This made me laugh really hard because the one article I wrote on that was lamenting the fact that I don't think they ever do go away. I'm sorry whoever came looking for that. That must have been quite disappointing to hear.

Can anyone explain Instagram to me?  I totally don't get the draw and a lot of the people I follow on facebook are absolutely nuts about it. I was regretting my loss of touch with new technology and aging (ripe old 30 year old) when I realized that I've been like this almost forever. For the longest time, I didn't want a cell phone. After I got one, it took me 5 years to start texting, and let me tell you, I still don't text more than once a week. I still don't quite get the draw of Twitter. I'm not technology averse, I just am not one to jump on a bandwagon for something that I see as stupid or unnecessary. As I've talked your ear off about, I march to the beat of my own drum. I really don't care if 10 million other people think Twitter is awesome. I still look at it like an enabling device for people with ADD that need lots of attention and will say stuff just to having something to say. 

I've always been the get off my lawn type. I'm also deathly afraid of being sidelined by new things and turning into my mother in this aspect. New technology absolutely terrifies her. She hates computers. I'll give it a try so I keep up with all you young whipper snappers, but if I think it's stupid, I'm not trying again just to fit in. I don't want my kids to have a hold of technology that I don't understand. That happened when I was growing up with some very unsavory results. Parents should not let their kids get a hold of things like this unless the kids are grown. 

Yet another mysterious disappearance has happened at the G household. One of my milk containers has gone completely AWOL. In India, we have to boil milk. It comes in plastic packets that are useless for storing the milk after boiling, so you must go and purchase some containers for storing the milk in your fridge. I boil 2 liters of milk every. single. day. I had 2 containers and both of them get washed every 2 days. Sometime shortly before we left on vacation (but before the maid left for Chennai) the other container disappeared after it was washed. After taking apart the entire kitchen - and I don't have a large or complicated one - I am absolutely baffled at where this went. I asked my housekeeper, but she had no idea where it was, even though she washed it and put it somewhere. 

I am an anal type person about what we have in our house. Everything has a place, and I generally know where everything is. When things go missing (and we have had more small things go missing in the past 6 months than I have in my entire adult life), my brain short circuits and sparks start flying everywhere. The milk container should be on the ledge. Why is it not there? Did the housekeeper hide it like she does the pressure cooker weight? This isn't a tiny metal piece, it's a big plastic container. What. The. Hell?

One of the downsides of us having a housekeeper is that there is another person in our house. There is absolutely no way for me to assure myself that things are not going missing because she is taking them. If it was just the four of us, I would at least have the assurance that unless we took it outside, it is here somewhere. I have no idea why she would need a plastic container....but after taking apart the kitchen, where is it? Daddy G has warned me about seeing ghosts where there are none a few times in regards to Indira, which I have honestly tried my best not to do. I have absolutely no proof this way or that. The thing is, I have never had things disappear like this before. I like Indira well enough, but I'm not naive enough to trust her and rule out anything. 

Grr. Paranoia.