Mood: All over the place
Listening to: The fan and the birbs screaming
I know that I've been a bit of a Debby Downer lately on this blog - it's all been just a bit much - but I do have a few pieces of exciting news to share.
First off, I found a therapist. I can only describe the process as extremely random, and I was extremely lucky. She's amazing and at the risk of making it awkward, I love her. As a therapist. Ahem. Therapy, as I'm sure surprises no one who's ever been in therapy, is difficult. Like really difficult. I'm hoping it's worth it in the long run. I also get to meet her in person for the first time tomorrow. I wanted an in person therapist but North Bangalore is a fricking desert in terms of psychological care. Anyhow, I'm anxious and excited.
Now the big news. I'm sure my title has given it away a bit, but I'm in the middle of buying a house with my partner. It has been one of the most amazing and empowering feelings I've ever had. Me. I'm doing it. I'm fucking buying the house. I've been trying to pin down why this has been a priority my entire life (something with constantly moving and never feeling like I belong anywhere I suppose) and one that I had given up on after starting over financially at 38 with nothing but a few beans and a job. I'm just over the moon. I have a voice when talking to the developers (who are absolute nonsense rowdies by the way) and I have agency. I am so fucking stoked. Do the kids still say that? I guess not - lets lable it irony.
The divorce has hit a standstill. My ex needed to be in the US during April and we have to have some thing notarized. It's worked out well from the notary part, but it's stretching out to a ridiculous degree. I'll be going home in May to do my notarizations and file the paperwork. The paperwork by the way is absolutley overwhelming. Not much gets to me in terms of being confusing or scary, but man oh man. We're using a service and not lawyers, so we're largely on our own. Anyhow, I'll be away from my youngest daughter for a month, and away from my partner and India for 3 months. I'm not really looking forward to that part much. It's kind of bad timing on the house bit (Bite off just what I can chew? Are you kidding??) but the house was perfect and would definitely not wait until I came back.
My daughter is doing better after a medication adjustment and Im beginning to feel hopeful that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Or perhaps we've just gone around the planet to where the sun shines again until it doesn't, who knows. Getting her to school is still a major battle and I still feel like all of the compromises must come from me. It's tiring.
I've been riding my roller coaster as I always do. Up, down, sideways. But overall no complaints, things are stable right now. Let's see how it goes.
Becky
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