From the Archives: An Ode to White Plains

Listening to: Def Leppard – 2 Steps Behind

Mood: Apathetic

2 Blogs in 1 day. Aren’t you lucky!! J Just kidding. I’ve been meaning to write about my fantastic residence in White Plains for a while now.   I don’t want you to get me wrong in this blog. White Plains is a fantastic city to live in. We get the city thing without having to live in NYC. We have just a touch more of the small town feel without the hillbilly thing of smaller towns further north.  However, there are some things that drive me bananas.

Driving:

I just wrote a blog on a near accident that I had today called Near Misses. Check it out. Now nearly getting in an accident is not an unusual thing here, I just usually don’t come so close to a serious accident.  People here are on some heavy duty crack when it comes to driving. Seriously.  The law of the jungle decides who goes where. Don’t know where you’re going? That’s ok. Just pull right in front of the person in the next lane to get to where you want. Or feel free to stop in a driving lane and think about it. Don’t feel like waiting in line to merge? No problem. Just jump to the front of the line in the next lane and push your way in. Feel like driving really slow until you get to the yellow light and then going through real quick so the guy behind you has to wait? Sure. No problem.  Needless to say, there are some pretty inconsiderate ass hats out there.  What gets me is the people who live here pull dangerous stunts. I have a decent level of tolerance for people who don’t live here who actually don’t know where they are going. Sometimes cities and one way streets suck. Been there done that. Problem is, everyone drives like that. It’s a constant worry that someone is going to pull into you because someone else stopped in a driving lane and the other car just doesn’t want to wait to scoot over.  White Plains is a city. There is a LOT of traffic. Especially at rush hour. Between the sheer volume, construction and stop lights (I’ll get to these in a minute) racing to get ahead of 3 cars just makes you look like a douche.

Pedestrians:

I’m a suburban girl by upbringing. I am not used to the sheer  volume of people randomly wandering the streets and crossing them for fun. None of the other places I’ve lived (and most of them were cities) have had so much foot traffic. It really astounds me. I applaud it actually. Who needs a car when you can walk?  It reduces the number of cars I have to deal with on the road. However. There are certain rules and indeed, common sense principals, that everyone should be mindful of.  We have an excellent system of stoplights and cross walks. They are NEVER more than a block apart. So why in the name of the Great Bunny (remember him?) do people insist on strolling across the street between the lights? I’m not even asking you to wait for a green light if there aren’t cars. Why are you so freakin lazy???  Let me tell you something. If you randomly wander  across the street when I have a green light and you are not at a corner, I am not going to slow down. I refuse. And you had better not glare at me or I’m speeding up. You wouldn’t try this in NYC, someone would actually run you over. Why is it ok here?  This leads me to the people who totally ignore the stop lights and saunter across the street at the corner or not. You have got to be kidding me. You know the light just turned green for the cars you are trying to walk in front of, why in the world would you randomly stroll into the road and make everyone wait for you while you wander across the street.  It really comes down to courtesy and arrogance. You are not the grand Pooh Bah. You do not have the divine right to make everyone wait for you to cross the road just because you weren’t paying attention or didn’t feel like waiting. Pedestrians have rights, but just because no one is willing to go to jail to hit you doesn’t mean you should act like an ass hat.  On another note. Yes, there is a LOT of construction in the city right now. If one side of a busy street doesn’t have a sidewalk and the other does, for the love of god, people, cross the street and use the sidewalk.  Not only is it extremely annoying for all the cars that have to slow down to wait for you to get out of the road, (and yes, you are IN THE ROAD! Even if you are right next to the barricade) it’s also very dangerous for you to generally walk between moving cars that weigh a couple tons and concrete blocks that aren’t going anywhere. This should be common sense. Up against cars or concrete blocks, you are going to be the one who ends up as hamburger. Please, don’t be so frickin lazy and just cross the street. Thanks!

To the City Suits :

Thanks for making White Plains such a nice place to live. You really have done a bang up job of developing the city and making it a great place to live.  Just tell me a few things. Who designed the stoplights?  And how much crack where they allowed to ingest while they planned how to program them? I understand the need for so many lights – after all W.P. is a big city with lots of cars. But seriously. I have my moments when I could swear it was a diabolical plot to prevent people from driving above 20 in the city. It is literally impossible to drive down any random street and get more than half of the lights green.  Yeah. And the side streets that turn red even when there are no cars there. Not cool. I really don’t like waiting my turn for cars that aren’t even there. One more thing. What the heck is the deal with the construction on EVERY SINGLE FRICKIN STREET??? I was okay when it was just Main street for the new Ritz hotel, but seriously. It’s November and over half the down town streets are torn up in some manner or other. Do you really think you can get all those projects done before winter? And what’s up with all the metal plates on the roads? Are we having a sewer crisis?  Why else would you dig up SO many sections of road at a time and cover them with metal plates? There should be at least 2 or 3 cross town streets that don’t have construction. Give the people some freedom to drive down a street that isn’t going to take them double the time to get down because you tore up both sides for god knows what. I know you have a budget and want to use it all so you have money next year, but how bout a little planning. I’m going to be extremely pissed if you leave all the roads half torn up all winter because you couldn’t plan out the projects a little better.  Now the Lake Street Bridge project – that really is a diabolical idea. It’s pretty much the only convenient way to get out to West Harrison and the airport. Meaning lots of people drive out that way. The corner of Kensico and Lake is already a mess. Why the Sam frickin hell would you work on the bridge and tear up the intersection too?  Perhaps the bridge needs to be replaced – no one really knows – but how in the world are you justifying this? It’s such a busy area, there has to be a better way of doing it.

On that note, I’m done kvetching about my fair city. It really is a great place to live.

Have a good week.

Becky

From the Archives: An Ode to my Building

Listening to: Guns N Roses – Civil War

Mood: Ornery

 

I figured I should just keep the train rolling today. It may be a while before I blog again.  I decided to write a little something about my neighbors and my building. I like living here. My apartment kicks ass and it’s a decently nice neighborhood.  Most of the people I’m writing about I haven’t really met and don’t really know. I just know them as the people I share a floor with or pay money to every month to live here.

To the Bird Lady next door:

I don’t really know you that well. In fact, the only thing I know about you is that you’re African and that you have birds. I didn’t think we were allowed to – but whatever, I don’t really care if you do.  I like birds.  Let me tell you something. I don’t bite. Most of the time.  If I smile at you in the hallway, I’m not being creepy. I’m not going to try to convert you to Jehovah’s Witness or force my way into your apartment. I’m just being neighborly. Smile back.  You might like me if we ever get to talking.

To the violent people next door:

I don’t know what it is about that apartment. I think it may be cursed or have bad karma or something. Every single person who moves in here has domestic issues. We’ve had 3 or 4 neighbors since we moved in and every single time they get into nasty, loud, violent fights.  I seriously thought someone was going to get killed before you moved in when they had a 7 am fight and started throwing furniture.  Then there were the people after them who tried breaking down the door to get at the person inside.  Another loud screaming match ensued. Then you moved in. You have quieted down some. I was really worried when you had a fight and asked me to call the police. I HATE getting involved with other people’s drama.  You get locked out by someone, it’s your problem, not mine. I know it sounds cold, but this is not the ghetto. Do not involve me in your drama.  One more thing. Everyone can smell your pot. You may want to open a window.

To the chimneys by the stairwell:

You have been the bane of my pregnancy every morning. You have got to have the nastiest, smelliest apartment ever.  All I have to do is walk by and I can smell the stench of old, concentrated, cigarette smoke. Seriously, you make the hallway smell like a dive bar. I cannot imagine what it smells like inside. You really stink.  I don’t have any recommendations for you because I don’t think that smell will ever come out. After all those cigarettes you can’t have that much longer left anyhow. Would it be too much to ask you to open a window and air it out a bit, or at least when you smoke?  The rest of us don’t want to have to worry about getting cancer just from walking by your apartment.  And we really don’t have much of a choice seeing as to how you are right by the stairs and elevator.

To whomever it is who cooks fish/seafood every night:

Whatever it is you are cooking, I’m going to assume it tastes good. But it makes the hallway smell like a commercial seafood dock. It’s just nasty. The smell is SO strong! If I’m not eating it, I really don’t want to smell fish and seafood.  Again. Open a frickin window or use a fan.

To whomever cooks dinner with all that garlic:

Seriously: I’m going to invite myself to dinner if you don’t stop making it smell so yummy!

To the lady with the 2 little boys at the end of the hall:

We met at the dam once and I’m ashamed to say that I can’t remember your name. I don’t think you remember mine either. It’s okay. I love saying hi when we see each other in the hall or elevator. It would be fun to have a play date with you and your kids sometime. I’m afraid, though, that between your boys and my daughter, the building might get torn down.  It has little to do with being boys. My daughter is just as wild, but there’s only one of her.  Put them all together and we may be taken hostage. J

To the owners of the building:

Sigh. Where do I start? My main gripe with you is the porch renovation project going on right now.  What in the world where you thinking? I’m hoping this project was necessary for safety. Otherwise I might take hostages. I don’t’ think you are aware of how extremely LOUD it has been for the past few weeks. It’s like living in a construction site. It is such a loud, jarring noise I can hardly hear myself think. Don’t jackhammers cause hearing loss? Let me tell you, you don’t have the walls or windows insulated enough to cut out ANY noise pollution. It’s enough to give someone a migraine. If they must drill like that, can you please tell them that 9 am on Saturday is a BAD idea. I almost threw some very heavy candles at them when they started that last weekend.  That is just not right.

Have a good week.

Becky

From the Archives: Near Misses

(2007)

Listening to: Nitty – Nasty Girl

Mood: Apathetic

So I had an inspiring event today that has inspired me to sit up long enough to blog. I know it’s been a while. Cut a hugely preggo girl some slack.  I’m sure you read about my recent (as in 1 year ago) acquisition of my new 2007 Hyundai Accord. Now you may be thinking, so what?  It’s a Hyundai, not a Benz. Why are you so excited? Well girls and boys, this has been the closest thing to not having a junker EVER for me. And it’s a nice car to drive. I don’t waste money on cars, so having a new one is a big deal for me – even if it’s not a particularly fancy or expensive one.  I was catering to a Taco Bell craving after retrieving my daughter from preschool today when I saw god. Well, almost.  I was driving about 35 (yes, I was within the speed limit) when some douche bag ass hat decided that it was a good idea to turn left from oncoming traffic in front of me. When I was about 40 feet away.  40 feet is really a joke when you’re going 35 MPH. To top it off, this person did not turn quickly, he gradually turned, until he noticed me barreling towards him at a very rapid speed. This left me slamming my breaks and praying that I wouldn’t T-Bone this protégé of idiocy. Did I happen to mention that it was raining today also? So throw some wet pavement in the mix just for giggles. 

The brakes were actually grinding in an effort to stop my car from blasting this little Toyota joke into oblivion. Hyundai cars are a little on the heavy side (at least my Sonata is), so stopping on a dime isn’t really a strong point.  Good thing the breaks are relatively new. I kid you not, even with the slamming on of the breaks, I still came within 2 feet of the back end of this car.  I swear on all that is good, and righteous, and chocolaty, if I had hit this joker, I would have gotten out of the car and manually finished him or her off with my bare hands. I’m pretty sure my new car would have been totaled (full frontal hit) and the other car would have just had a smashed in side.  It’s not been a particularly good week for me and I am having blood pressure issues thanks to something to do with my unborn child. I cannot think of a better excuse to let loose some rage and frustration than an unnecessary totaling of my new car. I seriously would have hauled my huge pregnant self out of my car and proceeded to give this person a personalized ticket to the afterlife.  Whew. 

I’m extremely grateful that I didn’t have to see what would have happened if this occurred. I really would not need that right now with a baby so close to arrival. I’m also very thankful that I didn’t let loose with the sailor talk that was running through my brain with my daughter in the back seat. It would have been rather hard to explain to my mother when my daughter decides to share her new knowledge (and you know she would….) with a few choice words when my mom comes to visit in December.   Drive carefully folks. You never know what kind of crack other people are ingesting. And how much.

Until next time,

Becky

From the Archives: Look Ma, I'm a Televangelist!

(2007, probably)

Listening to: Boston – More than a Feeling

Mood: Incredulous

I was reading Time Magazine last night and came across an article that just blew my mind. Now I’ve always had quite a bit of healthy skepticism about television preachers. Since I became an atheist later in my life, my skepticism has extended to preachers in general – but that’s a whole different blog. This article was focusing on a network of televangelists and a Senator who was investigating their use of money. All of these individuals are part of a nonprofit organization and thus should sink almost all of the money received in donations back into the ministry, or at least social services for the community.  A major benefit of being a nonprofit is some major tax savings.  The senator did not launch a major investigation into this, he simply sent them a questionnaire and a request for some information.  Wait, what? Because we can’t really be sure the donations were abused?  Let’s play the PC game? All the featured preachers were uber rich to begin with? All right. Let’s stop the lemming and sheeple parade. Almost all of the featured televangelists had either private planes or multiple very, very expensive cars and lived in what can only be described as mansions. One of the women featured had a 23,000 dollar toilet in her office.  Um, hello? Reality calling? Last time I checked, a toilet costs no more than $100 at Menards or Lowes. And, uh, it isn’t obvious that this money had to come from somewhere, and it probably wasn’t from a trust fund? It’s ok. I’m sure they’ll answer the questionnaires in a totally honest, open manner. After all, they’re God’s folk. Sorry for all the overt sarcasm, but this really bothers me for a few reasons. Let me elaborate.

1.         Preachers are supposed to, but virtue of their calling and the nature of religion, to be servants of the people/their congregation. Somehow, because of the 18 years of religious teaching (or brainwashing – take your pick) it just seems extremely unsavory to me to think that the “servants of the lord” are looking to serve themselves. How can people possibly follow a leader who has such flagrant disrespect for the use of donated money? Churches do a lot of good in the world. They help the poor. There are so many good uses in the world for money. How can a preacher possibly justify a private plane to his or her congregation? I’m not saying you should live in poverty, but for cryin out loud, have some shame.

2.       The people who are funding this idiocy and greed are those who really have hope that their money will be used to further the cause of the church. They don’t have much to send and they truly have faith that their money will make a difference. Otherwise they wouldn’t send it, right? This really sticks under my nails. It’s like a double whammy. These aren’t rich people to which a $50 or $100 dollar donation counts as pennies in an ocean, these are honest, hard working folks who most likely don’t have much to begin with. How can you possibly sleep at night in your mansion knowing this? The sheer guilt would drive me insane – and trust me – I don’t feel guilty about much, but this would do it.

3.       Senator, I admire you for bringing this issue into the light – I really do. Even as an atheist, I care about the human condition and people abusing others in the name of greed. Even if it’s in the name of religion. I’m glad I read this article so that I can spread the word. However. A questionnaire? You have got to be kidding me. Where are your balls at Senator? Asking some benign questions is not going to solve this problem.  Asking preliminary questions leads to offshore accounts popping up all over the place. People may be broken hearted that their money was abused, but if you go after the abusers, perhaps a little bit of faith can be restored. Who cares if you piss off the religious right?  It’s so much more important to do the right thing and stop these people from using power to abuse others.

People, it’s important to know where your money is going. If you choose to donate to any organization (and I highly encourage supporting your legitimate church/charity of your choice), make doubly sure you know who is receiving that money and how it is being used. I’m pretty sure that none of the people who donated to these corrupt televangelists meant to finance their mansions, vacations, or Mercedes. There are plenty of organizations that exist to better the human condition worldwide. It’s very much worth investigating first. Faith is well and good as long as it’s backed up by facts.  Donations aren’t like taxes. You really, honestly, freely give to someone else. You have not only the say in where that money goes, but the responsibility to investigate the receiver as well.

Good night, and good luck.

Becky

From the Archives: Aging Gracefully

I've decided to stick a new little series in here. These are older blog entries that have never seen sunlight on my blog. Should be fun.

(2007)

Listening To: You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC

Mood: Relaxed – There isn’t anything a nice hot shower can’t fix.

I usually do my best thinking in the shower. There’s just something about a locked door, steaming hot water, and coconut lime shampoo that gets my creative thoughts rolling. Perhaps it’s just the fact that shower time is the ONLY time I get all day that I have some semblance of quiet and a conspicuous absence of my children and spouse in which I’m not passed out sleeping. My intelligent thoughts have to escape at some point. It helps when they don’t have to compete with Dora on TV or nursing my ever hungry infant, or fetching some tea for my husband. Usually any intelligent thoughts (including some brilliant, earth shattering shower ideas) disappear the minute I step out of the bathroom and simultaneously hear “Mommy!, Waaaa! Honey?!” from the needy beings that I share a household with as they realize I am now available to wait upon them once again.

Today, my thoughts headed in the direction of the ever looming existential problem of getting older/turning into my mother.  Up until now, I have been able to delude myself into thinking that I am still a teen aged type gal. Up until very recently, the hubby and I only had 1 child and were decently mobile.  You can still be young and married, even with 1 kid. This was working perfectly until I caught myself telling hubby that I needed him to watch the kids. Whoa. Hello, this is reality calling….. I am firmly a 20 something with kids.  Next thing you know, I’ll be driving a minivan. Hubby mentioned this as a possibility for our next car and I told him that which shall not be mentioned had better not ever be mentioned again, lest I hurl something heavy at him. Or make him drive it – his choice.

This brings me to another pondering I had. Why is it that I always refer to my daughters as “the kids”? When we visit my sister in law, all the girls are referred to just as “the girls”, even if we’re just talking about her kids. Why do I refer to my own as “the kids”?  They’re also girls.  Perhaps it’s because my youngest daughter has the personality of a sloth (Come on, she’s 1 month old)  and it’s kind of hard to identify them as girls with personalities. Lord knows my elder daughter has enough for both of them.  Heaven help my hubby and his brother in law. With this herd of girls running around (including myself and my sister in law) they may just get trampled. J

So while I’m investigating my 26^th birthday occurring without prior authorization last September, I think I’ll enjoy being 26. After all, I may miss being young and 19, but I sure enjoy being older and more confident. On top of that, I’m going for the whole milf thing. Younger milfs are always better.

On that note, have a nice week.

Becky

I'm Back!

Listening to: Dexter



Mood: On


Hello again boys and girls. As I mentioned, when I have stuff to say, I have a LOT to say. Forget about my mental capacity for writing every day, I just don’t find the time. I really wish I could. I’ve had a few blogs bouncing around in my head for the past few days but was too caught up working to let them escape onto the page.


And now for something completely different: Holy hot damn are there a lot of talented writers on the interwebs. Hello, my name is Becky, and I’m a blog junkie. I can’t even tell you how many blogs I follow on a daily basis. Well, I probably could, but seriously. Who wants to count? Didn’t think so. I know, I know. I’m the one who put up the post on all the imaginary blog awards floating around out there. I get it. This is more of a wow, I didn’t know there were so many great writers. For some silly reason, this hurt my ego a bit (I thought funny people were few and far between, seems not so much), and it threw me off my game for a bit. Then again, my writing has always been for me. If anyone else cares to take a peek into my crazy thoughts, that’s cool too. It’s definitely not a competition. So that’s where I’ve been lately; taking in some great writing and appreciating the stories and writing skills I’ve stumbled upon thanks to the fake blog awards. Yes, yes, I get it, that is the point of those.


So welcome back for me. Hopefully I can keep the momentum going!


Becky