Wednesday, March 21, 2012

From the Archives: Near Misses

Listening to: Nitty – Nasty Girl
Mood: Apathetic

So I had an inspiring event today that has inspired me to sit up long enough to blog. I know it’s been a while. Cut a hugely preggo girl some slack.  I’m sure you read about my recent (as in 1 year ago) acquisition of my new 2007 Hyundai Accord. Now you may be thinking, so what?  It’s a Hyundai, not a Benz. Why are you so excited? Well girls and boys, this has been the closest thing to not having a junker EVER for me. And it’s a nice car to drive. I don’t waste money on cars, so having a new one is a big deal for me – even if it’s not a particularly fancy or expensive one.  I was catering to a Taco Bell craving after retrieving my daughter from preschool today when I saw god. Well, almost.  I was driving about 35 (yes, I was within the speed limit) when some douche bag ass hat decided that it was a good idea to turn left from oncoming traffic in front of me. When I was about 40 feet away.  40 feet is really a joke when you’re going 35 MPH. To top it off, this person did not turn quickly, he gradually turned, until he noticed me barreling towards him at a very rapid speed. This left me slamming my breaks and praying that I wouldn’t T-Bone this protégé of idiocy. Did I happen to mention that it was raining today also? So throw some wet pavement in the mix just for giggles. 

The brakes were actually grinding in an effort to stop my car from blasting this little Toyota joke into oblivion. Hyundai cars are a little on the heavy side (at least my Sonata is), so stopping on a dime isn’t really a strong point.  Good thing the breaks are relatively new. I kid you not, even with the slamming on of the breaks, I still came within 2 feet of the back end of this car.  I swear on all that is good, and righteous, and chocolaty, if I had hit this joker, I would have gotten out of the car and manually finished him or her off with my bare hands. I’m pretty sure my new car would have been totaled (full frontal hit) and the other car would have just had a smashed in side.  It’s not been a particularly good week for me and I am having blood pressure issues thanks to something to do with my unborn child. I cannot think of a better excuse to let loose some rage and frustration than an unnecessary totaling of my new car. I seriously would have hauled my huge pregnant self out of my car and proceeded to give this person a personalized ticket to the afterlife.  Whew. 

I’m extremely grateful that I didn’t have to see what would have happened if this occurred. I really would not need that right now with a baby so close to arrival. I’m also very thankful that I didn’t let loose with the sailor talk that was running through my brain with my daughter in the back seat. It would have been rather hard to explain to my mother when my daughter decides to share her new knowledge (and you know she would….) with a few choice words when my mom comes to visit in December.   Drive carefully folks. You never know what kind of crack other people are ingesting. And how much.
Until next time,

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