Saturday, July 7, 2012

Drunken Wisdom

Hello Loves,

Hoping you all are having an absolutely fabulous weekend. So here's the deal. I'm sick of the stomach virus that I mentioned in my last post. I am going to go ahead and ask for your pardon for any grievous spelling/grammar/logical errors in this post, because I am just drunk enough to think that writing is a brilliant idea, but not drunk enough to not go back and correct every single error/pass out. Trust me, it's taken almost 15 minutes just to write those 5 sentences. Beautiful torture it is; writing while drunk.

So. I am again flying solo for 2 weeks and tired of the mutating Tyranosaurus death virus for the colon. Now. I know that some people disagree that alcohol can clean out your system. Those people are called "experts." This non expert would argue differently. From experience. Not only does alcohol kill the random colon orcs, it makes for a pretty pleasant evening.
For example, I just went wandering around the compound I live in drunkenly. You may think this would be a bad idea. You, my reader friend, would be wrong. It was an excellent idea. Not only did it give me a little exercise and a chance to pray to the Ganesha statue for a son, it made me realize that walking around for half an hour does not reduce intoxication. Also, damn it, I forgot to eat dinner, which is probably why I'm so hammered in the first place. Hate it when that happens. Lessons from this whole episode: 

  1. Don't forget to eat dinner, idiot. 
  2. Walking does not reduce intoxication. 
  3. Intoxication may induce religious fallacies, which may or may not be wildly amusing.
  4. The guards will look at you like you are a neon pink loon if you walk around at 1 am laughing.
  5. Writing a blog while stark raving drunk is not necessarily a good idea. It will take you a very long time because your OCD tendencies will make you go back and correct every single thing with a red squiggly line beneath it.

I'll have to let you know if this experiment does indeed cure the gastro-intestinal microbe of agony. It has in the past, but this is pretty much a virus on bath salts....so we'll see.

Bekcy

10 comments:

Gossip_Grl said...

Eww on the stomach bug thing. :( We are under a boil alert in my town and of course it didn't go public for two days following the alert. On on the downside it was miserable on the up I lost 5 lbs so may have to continue drinking the water for it's amazing weight loss power. TFF on the going out in public drunk. Many years ago the only prayer I was saying it, "Please stop the world from spinning so that I can stand up" Of course I learned they call it public intoxication. Loved reading your post. Stop by and pick up the sunshine award

NellieVaughn said...

This is far better than what I've written whilst drunk. Usually, I stick to love e-mails, which is just stupid.

Ken Degner said...

You've done amazingly well as a drunken poster. Now I'm waiting for the epic, morning after the night before post. The one you do with the bathroom tile imprint on the side of your face.

Sorry, this is also a bit of a drunken comment. :)

Becky said...

@Ken - why thank you. I remembered blogging last night, but couldn't remember what about. I'm actually amazed that post was even mildly coherent. I was absolutely hammered. Stay tuned for a morning after post. That will be up as soon as the noise of keys doesn't make me want to rip my own head off.

Becky said...

@Nellie - I have been known to drunk dial my husband, much to his amusement, but he was on an airplane this time...so I stuck to this. :-)

Becky said...

@Gossip Girl - you said it honey. This nonsense has to stop. In other news, it's been great for my waistline too. Unfortunately, it also took away my appetite and I just love food too much to let that happen. What is TFF?? India doesn't have the concept of public intoxication being illegal. Unless of course you find a policeman and harass him or her, in which case you are in serious trouble. It was more of a maybe fresh air would be a good idea, let me go stumble around the compound for a bit.
Yay! More awards ! Whoo hoo!!

A Beer for the Shower said...

This was so coherent, I can't believe you were drunk while writing it.

In other news, it's harder to find a post of ours we WEREN'T drunk while writing.

Becky said...

Thank you gentlemen from A Beer in the shower. I was indeed very, very drunk by the end of this post. Misspelling my own name is a dead give away.

And you guys writing drunk? I think you have a permanent pass because your writing is amazeballs.

Rusty said...

I can't write that coherent sober.

Kick that virus in the front face!

Becky said...

@Rusty - you are all far too kind, I couldn't even get my own name right, and it's a pretty simple one.

Stay tuned for the Continuation of the virus/drunk episode later today.