Tuesday, July 10, 2012

The Fallout of Drunken Nonsense

Mood: Weird, I just can’t seem to get back to normal
Listening to: Losing My Religion – R.E.M. Kickin it old school today

So I’m having a day today that really should be devoted to working. Am I? Hello, have we met? I’m like the queen of procrastination when it comes to writing. Writing is an excellent enabler, for those so inclined. Anywho. On to the fallout of last weekend.

I decided to conduct a little experiment/last ditch effort in order to avoid going to the hospital in search of a qualified physician to eradicate the plague going on I my stomach. I was running out of interesting ways to describe this nonsense, so it was time for it to go.

Off I went to my local liquor store, where I’m sure all of the degenerates out front thought that I was an easy, drunk lush for buying alcohol by myself. Yes, that’s how the locals view that kind of thing here. Luckily, not only is none of that true, I don’t care if they do think that. One overpriced bottle of vaguely red wine later and I’m heading home. After being a mostly responsible parent and packing the kids off to bed at the appropriate time, it was time to pop that bad boy open.  Although not what I usually drink, it was from the same winery and very, very drinkable. Trying new wine in India is kind of a crapshoot. They didn’t have my regular bottle, so I was hoping this wasn’t going to taste like industrial strength floor cleaner. Stop laughing, it’s a tragic thing to look forward to a bottle and have that happen.

Said virus had been making me very uninterested in eating anything beyond an occasional piece of bread or other bland carbs. As the evening passed, I got engrossed in some outstanding work and suddenly realized that not only was I completely snookered, I had forgotten to eat, which probably explained the whole situation. A few things to note:
  1. This Dutch girl can handle her liquor. Or I used to be able to. As drinkable alcohol here costs about as much as a first born child, we don’t drink anywhere near as much as we did getting wholesale liquor from New Hampshire when we lived in the states. Thus my tolerance has been cut in half and I tend to forget it.
  2.  I’ve lost some weight, which also translates into a much lower vino tolerance. I tend to forget this too.

About this time, I decided that going outside for a walk was just the thing. I live in a huge apartment complex in a compound. We have guards walking around 24/7 to ensure nothing crazy goes down. I know, it sounds like we own Bangalore, but it’s not really like that, compounds and guards are pretty standard for normal living here. As it was around midnight, the place was deserted. I found myself outside of a Ganesha statue contemplating religion and then walking around laughing like a hyena for indulging in spiritual contemplation. Religion just isn’t my thing. I ended up getting quite a few smirks out of the guards as I stumbled around laughing drunkenly, which only made me laugh more. What can I say, I'm a happy drunk. I came back home and wrote a post that a few people swear is amazing because it’s coherent. I can’t remember much more than I wrote it and it took forever to write because the red squiggly lines under everything that came out mangled because my fingers were numb drunk and couldn’t type normally drove me nuts.

Shortly after that, I decided it was bed time. I was at that wonderful place where you’re completely and utterly hammered, but one more sip of anything and the world will start spinning. So Put. The. Bottle. Down.
I was not a partier when I was younger. I married young, had kids young, and went to college online because I kept losing credits every time we moved and I had to transfer colleges. I didn’t even start drinking until I was 25. I can count the number of hangovers I’ve had on one hand, and not because I never over did it. Alcohol just never seemed to knock me on my ass the next day.  The last time that happened was on New Year’s eve of this year. It involved lots of vino, blackdog whiskey (I am a big whiskey girl), pouting about missing family, and a very ill-advised coffee intake.

Well folks, I think I had it coming. I don’t know if it was the dying revenge of that virus, an actual, legitimate, make-you-want-to-rip-your-own-head-off hang over,  a completely random sinus head ache, or a combination of all of those, but I was laying on the couch suffering all day Sunday. It was one of those times when you swear upon everything unholy and sinful that you will never, ever, drink anything close to alcoholic again, even though you know you will. It may have been that I didn’t get my morning coffee. Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I am a junkie. A complete and utter coffee junkie. However, coffee is one of the worst things on earth to ingest after overdoing the alcohol. Most of my other hang overs have been directly related to trying to drink coffee the next morning. Coffee, you are one jealous ho.

After much random napping/lots of water/lots of time, I generally felt a bit better. And damned if this little experiment didn’t work, even if it did make me cry for my mommy while hung over. The virus has been vanquished. It’s almost enough to make me want to crack open another bottle. Almost, that lesson is still a little too fresh for me.

There you are folks. Easy stomach remedy. You’re welcome. Hopefully now we can move on to non-scat related posts. Lord knows I’m ready to!

*Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. I do not even play one on TV. Do not come back to me if this experiment backfires on you.



Ken Degner said...

Recovery is so much harder these days. I try to be pretty careful but once in awhile, something you think should be relatively harmless will make you pay the next morning. But then the odd time you throw caution to the wind and go on that bender anyways. Glad it was the cure for what you had going on. Going to have to remember to try that one sometime.

Michael G DAgostino said...

I always viewed drinking as being like a game of blackjack. You have to get as close to 21 as you can without busting (throwing up or passing out).

Becky said...

@Ken - I agree. It's getting harder to just bounce back the next day like I used to be able to do. I suppose that's a good thing though. I wouldn't want to turn into a raging alcoholic any time soon!

@Michael - I totally agree. I've had times when I blazed past that line just to know where it was and what happens if I cross it, but these days I've gotten really good at walking right up to it and then stopping to peer over the edge. I hate puking with a passion, so anything to avoid that is definitely necessary.

~*~MizTink~*~ said...

"Coffee, you are one jealous ho."

LMFAO!!!! That line cracked me up so much!! Love the post.


Becky said...

Thank yo MizTink. That was one of my better one liners. :-)

NellieVaughn said...

Oh, I have had plenty of those hangovers, but I didn't have nearly as much fun getting to the worst-hangover-of-the-decade place as you did. One time, I had a hangover that lasted a week. That scared me straight.

Becky said...

@Nellie - oh.my.god. What kind of hella snookered were you to be hung over for week??? What were you drinking? My body aches just thinking about it. That must have been one epic binge though.