D is for Dazed

Mood: Crabby from being hot as hell and not in a sexy way. Dutch Viking folk do not like sweating all the time.

Listening to: If You Ask Me - Yusuf Islam

Hello there.  I’m back from oblivion. Anyone really surprised that this alphabet thing is going all to pot? Anyone? Bueller? Didn’t think so. I’m not surprised either.

Anyhow, the past week has been one that has left me in a daze of relatives, schedules, and completely losing my shit. Allow me to explain. My mother and father in law have come to Bangalore. Up until now, they have been staying at my sister in law’s house. As I’ve mentioned before, I really do love my inlaws. They are fabulous people. I also am very accepting of the fact that I married into an Indian family and having the inlaws around every once in a while is a foregone conclusion.  When my sister in law was dropping them off at my house, I asked my nieces if they would come stay at our house for a week. To be honest, I was totally joking with them. They got all excited and begged my sister in law and her husband to stay with me and their grandparents. I was a little surprised, but I definitely wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t willing to watch them. So all of a sudden I not only have the inlaws, I now have 4 kids in my house.

To say I was unprepared would be kind. Excellent planning is almost a requisite for survival in India. My inlaws have honed it into almost a religion. Unfortunately, I have never been all that good at discipline and planning out of the box. I know how to run our house down to a science, but throw a few extra people in there and shit flies apart. Needless to say, our philosophies and levels of ability are different. My mother in law can look at a house of 8 and know how many quarts of milk we will need a day and how long a curry consisting of 3 vegetables will last. I figure we can always go to the store if we need more milk. Technically this is true, but running a house with 8 people does not lend itself to running to the store every time you miss something.

The kids part of the equation really wasn’t too bad with the exception of 4 little voices asking me for stuff every 5 minutes instead of 2 (and I was prepared for this – I’m not stupid) and a few massive weeping fests at bedtime because my nieces are uber attached to their mother and missed her.

My inlaws come from a very regimented house. My mother in law has been running her house since she was 18 and was often time caring for a household of 20 or more. I totally get it why processes are important to her. However, this is my house. I do not ever have more than 6 people living together for any amount of time. I do actually have my own processes. I have a habit of trying to allow other people to be and do what they want in my house because I want them to be comfortable. It’s not necessarily a good thing for me, but it’s a compulsion I have. This is magnified with my inlaws about 10 times. When someone comes into your house and doesn’t even recognize that you have your own system and tries to re-haul everything you’ve worked on setting up, it’s a very hard pill to swallow. I was mulling over my housekeeper’s ability to try this with me, and then my mother in law came over and it was multiplied by 10. She’s such a perfectionist – and honestly brilliant at what she does – it’s hard not to feel like a gawky 11 year old who doesn’t know anything. Even when I try to defend my way of doing things, she has an argument ready about why her way is better and supporting points. It’s a little exhausting. Ah well, at least now we know where my husband gets it from.  So with the schedule.  My inlaws schedule revolves around food. The problem with getting sucked into someone else’s schedule is that your own will disappear and things that you need to get done. At my house, my work was the first thing out the window. Blogging quickly followed. Spending all day in the kitchen is not compatible with doing actual work or writing.

My inlaws have gone  back to my sister in law’s house. It’s a bittersweet feeling – I miss them after they leave, but I also heave a huge sigh of relief and relaxation.

How do you deal with people who are convinced you are wrong and want to show you the right way to do everything?

Becky

Update: Apparently I'm so dazed I did D twice. D is for "Doh!"